The greatest taboo
Sexual violence against men may well be the greatest taboo within partner violence. Yet it exists: men can be victims of sexual violence, including within a steady relationship or marriage, and including by a female partner. Belgian research shows that about one in five men experiences physical sexual violence at some point.
Sexual coercion within a relationship is often not physically violent. It can involve:
- persistent pressure after you have said no;
- emotional blackmail ("if you loved me, you would want to");
- threats of conflict, punishment or rejection if you refuse;
- continuing after you indicated you wanted to stop;
- sexual acts while you were asleep or had drunk too much to decide freely.
Do you recognize this kind of pressure in other areas of your relationship? Read more at recognizing the signs.
Consent: what the law says since 2022
With the law of 21 March 2022 (in force since 1 June 2022), Belgium adopted new sexual criminal law that puts consent at its centre. The key points:
- Consent must be given of one's own free will and is assessed in the light of the circumstances.
- Consent cannot be inferred from the mere absence of resistance: freezing or not protesting is not consenting.
- Consent can be withdrawn at any moment, before or during the sexual act.
- There is no consent when someone's vulnerable state is abused, for example due to fear, alcohol or sleep.
A relationship or marriage therefore never means permanent consent. Rape within marriage or a relationship is a criminal offence in Belgium, and the law is worded in a gender-neutral way: it protects men just as much as women.
Your body can respond without you wanting it to
Many men doubt themselves afterwards because their body responded during what happened. That deserves a clear medical answer: physical responses are reflexes, controlled by your nervous system — not by your will. They can occur with stress, fear or touch, even when you absolutely do not want what is happening.
A physical response is therefore not consent and not a sign that you "really wanted it". The same goes for freezing: going rigid and being unable to react is a normal, automatic response to threat. None of this makes what happened your fault.
Sexual Assault Centres: for men too
Belgium has ten Sexual Assault Centres (SAC), attached to hospitals: in Antwerp (Edegem), Brussels, Leuven, Genk, Ghent, Roeselare, Charleroi, Liège, Namur and Arlon. They are explicitly there for men as well. A Sexual Assault Centre offers in one place:
- medical care — treatment of injuries and preventive treatment;
- forensic examination — trace collection by specially trained nurses, with your consent;
- psychological support — for you and the people close to you;
- the option of reporting to the police — with specially trained vice inspectors, but only if you want to.
A Sexual Assault Centre is open 24/7, free of charge and accessible without an appointment or referral. You do not have to report to the police to be helped: collected evidence is stored for an agreed period, so you can still decide later.
What you can do now
- Within 7 days of the assault: go to a Sexual Assault Centre as soon as possible. Trace collection is only possible within that period. Try not to wash beforehand and keep the clothes you were wearing.
- After that period too: up to about one month after the assault you can go to a Sexual Assault Centre for free medical and psychological care.
- Your GP is a trusted first step: for an examination, a medical certificate and referral.
- Talking helps: call 1712 — free, anonymous, and the number does not appear on your bill.
- Reporting is possible, but does not have to happen right away. Read what to expect at reporting to the police.
- Do you feel unsafe at home? See the safety plan or crisis help.
Recovery is possible
Sexual violence can leave deep marks: flashbacks, shame, avoiding intimacy. These symptoms respond well to treatment. Read more about trauma therapy and recovery.
Frequently asked questions
Can a man be raped by a woman?
Yes, both legally and in reality. Since the law of 21 March 2022, Belgian sexual criminal law is worded in a gender-neutral way: rape is any act consisting of or including sexual penetration of whatever kind and by whatever means, committed on a person or with the help of a person who does not consent to it. Whether the perpetrator or the victim is a man or a woman makes no legal difference — including within a relationship or marriage.
I responded physically — does that mean I wanted it?
No. Physical responses are reflexes controlled by your nervous system, not by your will. They say nothing about consent and are not a sign that you wanted it. The law is clear on this too: consent cannot be inferred from the mere absence of resistance. Freezing or responding physically therefore does not mean you consented.
Do I have to report to the police to get help at a Sexual Assault Centre?
No. You can go to a Sexual Assault Centre for medical care, a forensic examination and psychological support without reporting to the police. Any evidence collected is stored for an agreed period, so you can still decide later whether to file a report.
What if it happened more than seven days ago?
Forensic trace collection is then usually no longer possible, but help still is. Up to about one month after the assault you can go to a Sexual Assault Centre for free medical and psychological care. If it was longer ago, your GP, 1712 or a trauma therapist can help you further. Reporting to the police also remains possible later.