Why violence can continue after separation
Many men think: once I have left, it is over. The reality is that violence and control can continue after separation — and change form. This is called post-separation violence.
What it looks like
Via the children
- The children are used to gather information about you
- Custody arrangements are systematically sabotaged
- The children are turned against you (parental alienation)
- False accusations of child abuse are filed
Via the courts (administrative/institutional abuse)
- Successive legal proceedings to exhaust you financially and emotionally
- False accusations as a tactic
- Deliberately delaying proceedings
Via finances
- Refusing to pay alimony or settle debts
- Legal proceedings about property
Via direct contact
- Harassment, stalking, unwanted messages
- Threats via third parties
What you can do
- Document everything — even after separation: messages, missed handovers, false accusations
- Communicate via text — avoid verbal arrangements without evidence
- Limit contact to the strict legal minimum required
- Legal framework: a restraining order is possible with proven harassment
- For digital sexual violence or sexist harassment by your ex (e.g. threats with intimate images): the IEFH legal service helps free of charge and confidentially — not for divorce or custody
- 1712 can also help after separation
- Helpline for victims of stalking / harassment: see crisis help
- Professional support for post-separation violence: mijnkeerpunt.be
Does the past keep following you? Read about trauma recovery after the relationship.
The family home: leaving without losing your rights
"Whoever leaves loses the house" — this persistent myth keeps many men in a dangerous situation. The reality: by leaving the family home you lose neither your ownership rights nor your tenancy rights. What does matter:
- Ownership remains ownership. Your share of the home does not change because you no longer live there.
- Provisional measures: the family court can assign temporary use of the home to one partner. Who actually lives there can play a role — so get advice from a lawyer before you leave.
- Safety first. If the situation is unsafe, leave and document why. A departure because of violence can be justified later.
- The reverse is also possible: in cases of serious danger, a temporary exclusion order can remove the violent partner from the home — you do not have to leave.
For your children
Children who witness post-separation violence also need support. Involve a neutral professional (for example via CAW or a child psychologist) if you notice they are under pressure.
See also: being falsely accused and protecting your children.
Frequently asked questions
Do I lose my rights to our home if I leave?
No, that is a myth. By leaving the family home you do not lose your ownership or tenancy rights. Leaving can have practical consequences for provisional court measures; get advice from a lawyer before you leave, but always put your safety first.
What can I do about stalking by my ex?
Stalking is a criminal offence in Belgium (Article 442bis of the Criminal Code). Document every contact (messages, calls, showing up), report it to the police and ask the public prosecutor for a no-contact order. In case of threats or immediate danger, call 101.
Does partner violence affect spousal maintenance?
Yes. The judge can refuse post-divorce spousal maintenance to the ex-spouse who has been convicted of partner violence (Article 301, §2 of the old Belgian Civil Code). Child maintenance is entirely separate from this.
My ex is now accusing me of violence — what do I do?
Do not react impulsively and do not argue. Seek legal advice immediately, gather evidence of what was done to you (certificates, messages, witnesses) and report the facts yourself. Reversed accusations (DARVO) are common in separations after partner violence.