Why violence can continue after separation
Many men think: once I have left, it is over. The reality is that violence and control can continue after separation — and change form. This is called post-separation violence.
What it looks like
Via the children
- The children are used to gather information about you
- Custody arrangements are systematically sabotaged
- The children are turned against you (parental alienation)
- False accusations of child abuse are filed
Via the courts (administrative/institutional abuse)
- Successive legal proceedings to exhaust you financially and emotionally
- False accusations as a tactic
- Deliberately delaying proceedings
Via finances
- Refusing to pay alimony or settle debts
- Legal proceedings about property
Via direct contact
- Harassment, stalking, unwanted messages
- Threats via third parties
What you can do
- Document everything — even after separation: messages, missed handovers, false accusations
- Communicate via text — avoid verbal arrangements without evidence
- Limit contact to the strict legal minimum required
- Legal framework: a restraining order is possible with proven harassment
- 1712 can also help after separation
- Helpline for victims of stalking / harassment: see crisis help
- Professional support for post-separation violence: mijnkeerpunt.be
For your children
Children who witness post-separation violence also need support. Involve a neutral professional (for example via CAW or a child psychologist) if you notice they are under pressure.