You are not crazy. You are not weak. You are a victim.

Figures that might surprise you

Intimate partner violence against men is as frequent as against women — but the nature differs: men more often experience psychological violence, women more often physical and sexual violence and combinations of multiple forms. Yet men are rarely taken seriously — not by those around them, not by the police, and sometimes not even by themselves. This needs to change.

What is intimate partner violence?

Intimate partner violence is a pattern of behavior through which your partner or ex-partner exerts power and control over you. It goes beyond hitting or pushing: humiliating and belittling you, isolating you from friends and family, controlling your phone or money, threatening you with the children or with false accusations, and sexual coercion are also forms of partner violence. What defines it is not a single incident but the accumulation: a climate in which you are constantly walking on eggshells.

For men, the violence is often primarily psychological. There are no bruises to show — but there is sleeplessness, anxiety, shame and the feeling that you are going mad. That damage is just as real. Learn to recognize the signals or take the quick self-assessment.

Why do you hear so little about this?

Shame, the idea that "this doesn't happen to a real man" and the fear of not being believed keep men silent. Support services and policy are also historically focused on female victims — rightly and necessarily so, but male victims fall through the cracks as a result. Those who do speak up are more often not taken seriously, or are even mistaken for the perpetrator. And so the problem stays invisible — to the outside world and to the men themselves, who often spend years justifying their situation.

Who is behind this website?

ookmannen.be is an independent Belgian initiative by Koen Thomeer, a general practitioner in Antwerp. The content is based on scientific research — from the Belgian EU-GBV survey to the work of Belgian and international researchers — and is updated regularly. All references can be found on the scientific sources page. This website provides information, not individual advice: if you need help now, call 1712 (free and anonymous) or see where you can turn.

What will you find on this website?