How this assessment works
This assessment does not provide a diagnosis. It helps you look at patterns in what is happening in your relationship or ex-relationship. Answer the questions honestly for yourself.
The central question for each answer: Is this a one-time incident, or a recurring pattern that structurally reduces my freedom, safety or self-confidence?
Control and freedom
- Do I walk on eggshells at home?
- Am I afraid of her reaction to everyday things?
- Do I need permission for things that are normal?
- Do I constantly monitor my own behavior to avoid conflicts?
Identity and isolation
- Do I see my friends and family less than a year or two ago?
- Do I doubt my own memory or judgment?
- Do I feel like I've become a different person than who I was before this relationship?
- Do I tell the outside world a different story than what I experience at home?
Threats and weapons
- Has she ever threatened suicide if I didn't do something?
- Has she ever threatened to use the children or legal action as a weapon?
- Has she ever accused me to the police or institutions while I was the victim?
Impact on yourself
- Do I sleep badly, eat badly, function less well than before?
- Do I suffer from anxiety, depression or suicidal thoughts?
- Am I ashamed of my situation and hiding it from everyone?
Interpretation
If you answer "yes" to multiple questions: This is not a communication problem. This is a safety and recovery question.
External tools:
→ What do I do now? Safety plan
Want more context for these signals? Read how to recognize partner violence.
Frequently asked questions
How does this self-assessment work?
This self-assessment helps you look at what is happening in your relationship or former relationship in a structured way. It does not provide a diagnosis, but asks questions about control, isolation, threats and the impact on yourself.
What does it mean if I answer 'yes' to multiple questions?
This likely indicates not a communication problem, but a safety and recovery issue. You can call 1712 for free and anonymously for further support.
Is this self-assessment anonymous?
Yes. You answer the questions only for yourself. No data is stored or transmitted.
What are signs of coercive control in a relationship?
Signs include: walking on eggshells at home, needing permission for normal activities, constantly adjusting your behaviour to avoid conflict, and becoming socially isolated from friends and family.