The central question for each answer: Is this a one-time incident, or a recurring pattern that structurally reduces my freedom, safety or self-confidence?
Control and freedom
- Do I walk on eggshells at home?
- Am I afraid of her reaction to everyday things?
- Do I need permission for things that are normal?
- Do I constantly monitor my own behavior to avoid conflicts?
Identity and isolation
- Do I see my friends and family less than a year or two ago?
- Do I doubt my own memory or judgment?
- Do I feel like I've become a different person than who I was before this relationship?
- Do I tell the outside world a different story than what I experience at home?
Threats and weapons
- Has she ever threatened suicide if I didn't do something?
- Has she ever threatened to use the children or legal action as a weapon?
- Has she ever accused me to the police or institutions while I was the victim?
Impact on yourself
- Do I sleep badly, eat badly, function less well than before?
- Do I suffer from anxiety, depression or suicidal thoughts?
- Am I ashamed of my situation and hiding it from everyone?
Interpretation
If you answer "yes" to multiple questions: This is not a communication problem. This is a safety and recovery question.