Why male victimhood is invisible

The figures

Belgian EU-GBV survey (N=5800, age 18–74):

Police statistics 2024: 50,469 reports of intrafamilial violence — only 3% of victims report to police. The gap between population research and police statistics is an artifact of underreporting, not absence.

Why men don't report

1. Shame and taboo — masculinity norms prohibit showing vulnerability
2. Anticipating skepticism — justified fear of not being believed
3. Victim-blaming — "you're bigger than her"
4. Isolation — the partner has already cut them off from their network
5. Counter-reporting — the partner has themselves filed a report
6. Normalization — they think their situation is "not serious enough"

Recognizing signals

• Excessive sense of responsibility for the partner's mood
• Somatic complaints without clear cause (sleep disorder, fatigue)
• Social isolation, reduced contact with friends or family
• Minimizing: "it's fine, but she's having a difficult time"
• Fearful behavior or visible anxiety about the partner's reaction
• Incongruence: what he says doesn't match his non-verbal behavior

Practical tools

Language and attitude

• Use gender-neutral language when screening ("has your partner ever...")
• Take the story seriously without relativizing
• Validate shame: "It's understandable that this is difficult to talk about"
• Never say "there's nothing I can do for you" — always refer

Screening questions

• Do you feel that your partner controls your behavior, movements or contacts?
• Are you afraid of your partner's reaction to everyday things?
• Has your partner ever threatened you — with the children, with a report, with suicide?
• Do you see your friends and family less than before?

Always question both parties separately.

Referral

• 1712 — 1712.be
• CAW — caw.be
• Keertij vzw — ruth@keertij.be — keertij.be