How concealment works
1. The charm facade
Charming, socially skilled and empathetic in public. A radically different face at home. This makes it difficult for the environment — including professionals — to believe it.
2. Reversed victimization
The woman files a report with the police herself, making the man the suspect. Legally impactful and psychologically devastating.
3. The children as a weapon
Threatening with custody rights, false accusations of child abuse, manipulating children against the father.
4. Psychological violence over physical
More often gaslighting, humiliation, isolation, financial control than physical violence. Less visible, no marks.
5. Digital control as concealment
Tracking apps are also used by female aggressors. Data is then selectively used as "evidence."
Personality profiles: when extra vigilance is needed
These are risk profiles based on research, not diagnoses.
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
- Intense fear of abandonment, extreme mood swings
- Idealization and devaluation (pedestal ↔ complete rejection)
- Manipulative behavior including threatening with suicide
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
- Lack of empathy for the impact of one's own behavior
- Blame-shifting as a standard mechanism
- Extremely effective at manipulating bystanders, including professionals
→ See context blindness for the cognitive framework.
For professionals: no prejudice in either direction
- Don't automatically believe the woman and distrust the man
- But don't do the opposite either
- Always question both parties separately
- Ask about patterns over time, not just incidents
- Avoid couples therapy with active intimate partner violence